You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
