eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
