This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
