last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
