Sober January is a disaster.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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