All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
