Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
