I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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