Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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