Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
