3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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