Michael Bay diarrhea
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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