Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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