walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
whose ass print is on the piano?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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