I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
