He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There r osticjed everywhere
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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