It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
3 2 1 whiskey
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
