sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
