Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
