actually, I'm a sock model
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
