Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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