I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
