At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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