just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize