i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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