Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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