I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
