Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
