belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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