she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
