Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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