just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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