how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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