i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
