Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
