I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
people are starting to question the shark bite story
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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