My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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