Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This baby is an asshole
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
