Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
