He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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