So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm jealous of your bromance
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
