So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
