He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
