We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I understand Curling. That high.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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