It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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