when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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