used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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