I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize