he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
