Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
