omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
