so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
