you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
