I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize