Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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