just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
