he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
