Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
