and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
