Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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