is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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