It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
