if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is Oprah even human
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
