He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
