I just threw up on my dentist
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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