i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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