so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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