I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
