she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
